No we aren’t in preschool and we’ve run out names to call that kid you say smells funny but you secretly have a crush on…
Nordork is simply my way of labeling things that are both nordic related and also incredibly dorky.
For example if you can tolerate, heck, perhaps even admit enjoying/not minding that hour you spent on a ski erg yesterday afternoon…. You are definitely a nordork. (that or a masterblaster, which by default also makes you a nordork)
What else might make you a nordork you ask? Well…
If you own more lycra than ‘normal people’ clothing you might be a nordork.
Amendment: or you spend more time in lycra than the formentioned ‘normal people’ clothing. Who doesn’t enjoy living in tights. They’re comfy. And so well fitted.
If you follow proper ‘snot rocket-ing’ etiquette (more on that later) you might be a nordork. That or you just enjoy easily dispensing snot. Don’t kid yourself, its cold, you can’t tell me your nose doesn’t get runny.
You own a pair of NEOs… If you don’t know what those are. You are safe. You are not a nordork.
If you own a ‘snow shield’. You aren’t Petter Northug, you just look like that guy from star trek.
You even like your underwear swedish. (um hello Bjorn Borg) Scandinavia Scandinavia Scandinavia. Blah blah blah.
You own buffs. Lots of buffs. You might even own enough buffs to color coordinate your outfits! (If you care that much you might not be dorky enough)
If and when you decide to wear head to toe adidas national team apparel outside of a world cup venue you might look like a star spangled moron. I’ve done it. Its both fun and embarrassing, and oh so tempting…
Lets see what else?
Oh yes. Your skis are worth more than your car. I don’t even own classic race skis… what does that say about my car?
You know who qualified for the sprint heats this morning in Rumford. Noooordork!
You read FasterSkier, SkinnySki, TeamToday (or whatever they’re called now), and you get JohnnyKlister’s jokes, jabs, and other nordic themed commentary.
Celebrate New Years? As if. We know you rang it in early (come on midnight is so past your bedtime) from your couch drinking something un-brewed, distilled, or fermented.
You like to throw around terms like swing weight, rotobrush, NIS key, and anaerobic threshold.
You’re contemplating adding structure to your skis.
You wake up early to either follow the (awful) live results from FIS, the ibu data center, or watch races streamed live from EuroSport (which you might have bought a subscription to) or BiathlonWorld.
You can be heard talking about ‘hot-boxing’, OD’s and LSD…. but none are in reference to drugs.
You travel absurd distances to get on snow, even if it is only a small man made loop. Desperate nordork.
You spend more money on wax than you do on food. This is only more amazing knowing how much you probably eat.
Ok enough of this nonsense. You are probably a nordork. Especially if you actually read all of this.
*Note: I only tease. After all I can make fun of my own kind.