I sat down at breakfast yesterday morning. A little tired, very groggy, hoping desperately the coffee I had in front of me would put some life back into me… when Bernd sat down. Bernd is our high performance director, the man with a plan. “You are excited to race?” He was referring to the races we have tomorrow and the next day. I do not think he approved of my response. My face kind of crinkled, I looked like I had just smelt something terrible. “Um…sure?” was the only verbal response I could muster. He frowned. “okay, okay….for you? For you I will try to race fast!”
In my mind I’m screaming, “Its August, we’ve put in more 20+ hour weeks than I’ve ever done before! ITS AUGUST!!!!” Its August, and my body is not ready to go fast. But it has to this weekend. I will have to make it go fast.
We skied our typical “pre race workouts” this morning. The range was packed with people. National guard men and women, youth and juniors and seniors from across the country and the national team. All there. All getting ready to race. My legs didn’t feel exceptionally spunky this morning. My heart rate was high, my legs pleaded with me to stop. Impulse brought me to a grinding halt. Ugh i thought…Ugh!
I’m willing, pleading, begging my legs to fight. To wake up. To carry me through this weekend. If I ask nicely enough and smile it should work…right? I know I shouldn’t worry. I’m trying not to worry. I’m not going to worry. I know my mind is much much stronger than my body. Both feel a little out of practice right now, but I know I have to push. My mind is stronger. My mind will tell my body it can fight. It might be survival mode out there tomorrow, but I’m fighting for more than survival…so much more than that.