Frustration

Yes I am about to write something emotionally charged.  I can not sit on how this feels.

I had a lunch meeting with both my coaches and sports medicine enforcer yesterday…  and I just shut down.  I’ve been injured before.  I’ve spent months on crutches.  I’ve undergone surgery.  This is nothing new… but just as hard.  I did not contribute much to the conversation between Jonne, Patrick, and Karen.  I nodded my head.  I picked at my nails.  They talked about when I could start skiing again.  About progressing slowly.  I thought about all the time I’ve already lost.  The workouts continually modified.  “How behind will this put me?!?!”  They talked about what I could physically manage.  How rehab was going.  They focused on the plan, the future, the big picture.  I focused on the  overwhelming knot threatening to close up my throat.  As I choked back my frustration tears began to stream slowly down my cheeks.

All I could think, “All I want to do is ski….please let me ski?”  In the last 8 weeks I’ve skied maybe a dozen times.

Here I sat.  Nearly blubbering.  Surrounded by people who care about me.  People who have only what’s best for me in mind.  Mindful of my season.  Mindful of my career.  And all I could do is stare at the table in front of my face.  The contrast between the mature adult conversation around me and my state was clear.  I clearly needed to run away.  Once excused I did just that.

So I did what I do best.  I threw on my running shoes and hit the trails.   I ran angry.  I needed to express myself somehow… and I found it somewhere between the mud and the leaves.

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2 thoughts on “Frustration

  1. Radek Kalousek says:

    Corrine, I wait impatiently for some good news from you and instead of it I read a pretty sad article in your blog. Damned shoulder, I thought it will go much faster and I understand your frustration well. But my understanding does not help you. Well, what can I say you? Firstly, Corrine, you are not in any case alone in such situation. I like to read sport stories and I can tell you that in sport is such stories much much more than it would be healthy. So, try to fortify your mind, as an athlete you will need it in many situations. Secondly, try to busily rehabilitate and do not try to speed up something. And lastly, try to find with your trainers some activity useful for your training and safety for your body.

    And what can I also do as your fan? Corrine, I promise you to wait for you as long as will be needed and of course I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

    Corrine, I will also try to support you by some song. I know many songs where is “…do not cry…” in the text but I think that one other song would be better. It is a song that I like and play it to myself in similar situations as is yours just now. PS. There is quite long overture, try to withstand it.

  2. Hilary says:

    This must be so hard….I feel you totally. As an athlete myself, I know how hard it is to not be able to do what you love best. When I get sick its all I can do NOT to ski, I love it so much that for someone to tell me not to do it seems tragic. Stay strong, stay focused, you WILL recover, and you’ll need all the motivation you have to ski now, to start up again when you are recovered. Stick with it and stay positive. Praying for you!

    🙂

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